Phantom

To love and be loved, is to feel the sun from both sides. David Viscott

In Form 2, when I was about 15, we had to study the novel The Phantom of the Opera. It was one of those love stories I never forgot. Not because of the happy ending. Not because the hero was hot and romantic. Not because true love conquered all. But because there was a Phantom.

That year I learned to put into words what it felt like to be a Phantom.

The Phantom, although a person, was so ugly that people did not even regard him as visible. He was a fantasm. A hallucination. But I never looked at him[Phantom] this way. The Phantom I talk about is a feeling of inconstituency that stirs rebellion. It’s a position you play in a relationship that you ache for but cannot possess for reasons you can do nothing about.

Girls want someone who wants them back. Brooke Davis

Unrequited love is the worst feeling any person can have. You don’t have to read the book to know this. It’s a feeling a lot of us are well acquainted with. Loving someone who cannot love you back the same way. In some cases, you never loved him, but you still feel the sting knowing you weren’t his choice.

Being the Phantom means obession. It means impatience. It means chasing and not being chased after. It means manipulation as a means to an end. It doesn’t have or think about sacrifice on your part. Just the mind-numbing pain that you can’t have that and there’s ultimately nothing you can do about it.

There’s a lot to be said about self-dillusionment when it comes to matters of the heart. Diane Frolov, Andrew Schneider.

The worst part of being a Phantom, is you don’t know it until it’s too late.

Being the Phantom means you have no happy ending.

The story does not end happily ever after for the Opera Ghost. Even his first kiss with the woman that he loved was coerced, and in the end, he dies alone.

Listening to my brother talk about the phantom in his life, I feel for her. I used to be her for crying out loud.

But listening to him and comparing myself with her, I realise I have since come a long way. The day I realised I was in love was the day the Phantom vanished from my life. Because for once, the one that I love, loves me back, and with a passion.

Thank you Jesus for loving me first and loving me back. I won’t be ashamed of you.

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