So much more than arithmetic

This prolly seems like a superfluous thing to say, but it is so hard to be perfect. Many have already come to terms with their imperfections. Sadly, I have not. Maybe because I know someone who made it all the way. Someone who showed me how it’s done. Someone who was, like me, tempted in every  way, yet was without sin. Someone so impossibly out-of-this-world pure in comparison to me that I don’t know why I bother trying to be like Him. Then again, there is a reason why He is God and He is at the top of the hierarchy. Still, knowing it is impossible, there is this inkling in my heart to want to try. Stirrings in the deepest recessess of my soul each morning excited at the prospect that today could be the day I don’t mess up at all.

I once knew a man, who felt so guilty about the wrong-doings in his life that each time he tripped, he would “owe God one.” Promising to atone for his sins.

Now I can’t say I’ve never done that before but it seems that ‘owing God’ goes against everything I know about God and His grace.

Here’s the thing:

God = perfect. He hates anything that isn’t. I’m ≠  perfect.

These equations don’t make sense because:

God knows that. God still ♥ me.

Here’s the thing:

I’m ≠  perfect. I’m uncomfortable and inadequate and suffer extreme loss of self-esteem in the presence of anything that is perfect.
God = perfect.  

These equations don’t make sense either because:

I love being in God’s presence. God is everything I want and is whom I want to spend eternity with.

So I have agajabillion++ sins and a God who doesn’t care about them because, simply put: He ♥ Sumie.

For we do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathize with our weaknesses, but we have one who has been tempted in every way, just as we are—yet was without sin. ~Hebrews 4:15~

But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.”

~2 Chorinthians 12:9~

There’s obviously nothing I can do about my past mistakes but I strive towards the goal for the joy set before me. After all, tomorrow is another opportunity to try not to mess up *grins*.

I’ve been counting up all my wrongs,

One sorry for each star,

See I’d apologise my way to You,

If the Heavens stretched that far.

I won’t find what I am looking for, if I only ‘see’ by keeping score,

‘Coz I know now You are so much more than arithmetic.

If I add, if I subtact, if I give it all, or try to take some back,

I’ve forgotten the freedom that comes from the fact, that YOU are the sum.

When the years are showing on my face,

And my strongest days are gone,

When my heart and flesh depart this place, 

From a life that sung Your song,

You’ll still be the one I want.

~Brooke Fraser (Arithmetic) ~

girl-doing-math-at-chalkboa

Each day I see more clearly how different as day&night we both are, yet somehow I can’t imagine my life without You. You’ll still be the one I want ::sumie::

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