I have this recurring dream. I’m walking down a road. I see my brother on the side of the road. I wave ‘hi’ but he won’t wave back. Puzzled but non-deterred I continue on and I spot a few more other people on my way to wherever I’m going. I see them, I feel like I know them but I don’t recognize their faces. They don’t smile back at me.
Quite suddenly everybody disappears, including my brother. An eerie fog creeps in. I look around, a little confused at what’s happening.
And there he is.
Or at least his shadowed figure. Standing there. I want to call out to this stranger for help or at least ask for directions but something catches in my throat.
I don’t think he’ll help me, I think to myself, suspicious and fearful.
He moves toward me, slow at first then picking up his pace. Panic strangles me from crying out for help hysterically. Horror pins my feet to the ground so I have no escape.
I see him running towards me now. I shut my eyes as hard as I can and scream inwardly for Jesus.
“Oh God! Help me!”
Suddenly I feel a brutal force knock me painfully to the ground. They say you don’t feel pain in your dreams. They lied.
All I can think of as he’s beating me senseless is, “God why aren’t you protecting me?!”
Just when I think my end has come, he stops, straightens up, and leaves me with an inch of my life. I’m not fully dead but mangled enough.
After he leaves I curl into a ball on my side and cry. Quietly at first then my sobs get louder and before I know it I’m wailing in agony.
I wake up startled and disoriented, touch my face to see the tears are real. No bruises though.
This is the 20th time, at least, that I’ve had this dream. And unlike with Freddy Krueger, I don’t know how to stop him. I don’t think not sleeping is the best solution although I am starting to hate sleep. Starting to hate drifting off or even daydreaming because every time I do, I see him.
I guess I’m just now waiting for this nightmare to end. Or at least get used to it so when he hits me again, this time I won’t feel the bones breaking.
Thinking of: Nightmare on Elm Street and Paul Baloche’s Our God Saves.