Having a sister who has walked away from the faith has left me with a lot of questions. Most of them start with ‘Why’. Especially since that sister was in the past a catalyst for me to deepen my search for theological truths.
I stood frequently at His feet looking for the answers to help re-direct her. Hoping as I grapple with the array of bible verses and sermons I will learn why everyone does not connect to the source the way I do. It seemed that in searching for a solution for her disbelief I found something I didn’t expect, a solution to my belief.
My belief that her thought processes were in my power to change or her circumstance was mine to manipulate to somehow show God in a ‘don’t you miss Him’ light. To somehow portray Him as someone she will infinitely regret walking away from.
I have since accepted the harsh reality that her walk with God is out of my hands. Simply because it is just that; a personal walk with a personal God.
Well, honestly it sometimes doesn’t seem like a walk but an obstacle course. Like the Viper Challenge during a heavy thunderstorm. Kinda dark, windy. Kinda wet. It’ll be uncomfortable if you’re not prepared. It is very demanding, not just physically.
But it’s not like you’re doing it alone. You’ll hear a lot of thunder that makes you jump but also sends a delicious giggle down your spine when you realize it’s just God showing off that He’s the biggest thing out there and He’s your race buddy. He’s right next to you from the starting point to the finishing line.
The course has waves, sure. But the moment you think they’re going to overwhelm you He reminds you He was the One who told the oceans ‘Hey guys, you can only come this far.’ The clouds darken ominously the longer you look at them but flee when you focus on His brilliant light.
Part of the obstacle course needs you to do an impossible task. At first you don’t think you can do it, but if you would just step out and trust Him, you’ll find yourself walking on water.
Sometimes you’re on a roll and can get ahead of yourself, forgetting you’re part of a team, but if you fall, just call out and He’ll reach out for you before your voice gets to leave your throat. Then you won’t want to leave His hand ever again.
Before you know it, it’ll be the finishing line. Or so they say. I wouldn’t know, I haven’t gotten there yet.
I don’t know, my picture of faith in this season is prolly incomplete and theologically incorrect. But it’s from the perspective of an emotional woman.
If I could summarize faith for me to an equation:
If we don’t got trust, we don’t got nothin’
You are the One I want.
Inspired by Arun K.
Note to self: In the future, do not leave 2014 resolutions to the last minute. One month is not enough.
On a side note: Yes Christopher Nolan, please do make more movies I have to re-watch to understand.
Thinking of: Brooke Fraser’s Lifeline, Interstellar and White Chicks.