It Starts With One

At what point do we say,” I’ve had enough” and proceed to shamelessly return God’s first gift to us; His very breath.

“If I have a partner, I think I’ll stop being depressed.”

“If I had more money, I’d have fewer worries”

“I know I would be a good parent, once I have kids, I wouldn’t ask for anything else.”

“If I was more talented, I’d go further and wouldn’t be stuck here”

“If I was in the U.S. or Australia instead of here, I’d have more opportunities and not rot in this corrupt country.”

If my body was thinner, my skin fairer, my booty more licious,…

And then vehemently chase down as much of those goals before the sun sets on the third day.

Yet today, a man who had all those things; fame, fortune, 2 wives and 6 children, took his own life. He’s really talented too. It’s no easy feat to scream through 7 albums.

Isn’t it funny? Right now, there’s a young rape survivor in Nairobi fighting to put her life back together and then there’s the son of a multibillionaire in a first world country fighting the urge to tighten the noose.

What is it that keeps us alive, then?

We think if we have what we don’t have now, we will be complete and achieve some sort of nirvana. But humans are sporadically fickle. Greed is a deep vacuum and there is no end to it.

We are every client that approaches designers; we don’t know what we want until we see what we don’t want.

What is the answer then to the internal struggle for more? More in life, more out of life.

Is the answer really to flee to the mountains; give every gift God has given us up, sit in a lotus position until we want no more?

On the one hand I’m baffled, on the other hand, the struggle is real. And I have to ask,

Does God want? Does He understand what it means to want?

Jesus at the point when everything He wanted was handed to Him on a silver platter, He said, “You shall worship the Lord your God and serve Him only”

What if you could have everything you ever wanted right now?  That guy you want to marry, that dream job, that amount in your bank account, that house, that car, that body, those friends…

It seemed like Jesus’ answer to that was to ‘Change what consumes you.’

So…that’s it, right? The answer to the struggle for more is to become a Christian. Or, ironically, more Christian, if you already are one.

Then why are so many Christians attempting and committing suicide? If all you need is Jesus, then there shouldn’t be any God-fearing Christians struggling with depression, suicidal thoughts or discontent, kan?

I don’t have the answers la but whether I have money, a spouse, a kid, health, talent, whether I even have God or satan, it’s really not enough to know what I have in the present but to know more importantly the value of what I have with me now.

If I don’t know how to value what is in my life today, I will not value what I will have tomorrow even if it includes everything I want. And pretty soon, I will not even value the life I have; it will become dispensable to me.

The power of gratitude is it brings contentment. So even on bad days I know I have a lot more than I deserve.

I don’t know, life is short. And a beautiful gift. If you’re struggling to enjoy living today, maybe start with being grateful for one thing. Just one. It starts with one.

Thinking of: Watching the clock tick as the pendulum swings.

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